Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have fence marks all over my body
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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