Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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