Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
