It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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