the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
