I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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