I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
