just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
