Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
