they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
