Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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