True but thats because hes a fetus.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
