Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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