My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
