can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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