walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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