Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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