There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
