i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
