I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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