dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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