I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
