I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
