Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
