I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
