I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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