Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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