just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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