You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
