I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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