Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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