dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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