omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We are two peas in an std pod
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
