i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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