Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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