I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
