So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
