I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Houston, we have a blender
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
