i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
