Apparently you make a good broom.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i drank out of a bidet.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
