Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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