Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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