Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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