I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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