turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
did i walk over a car last night?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
