I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize