Ambien. No doubt about it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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