i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
