i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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