Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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