I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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