so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
