TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
