I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
