I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize