Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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