I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
