He asked to "fluff my boner.."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
