So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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