Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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