a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
