Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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