question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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