i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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