she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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