My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
