At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
