I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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