She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
