i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
